What is Drama? Who cares about it? What does it matter? How do we handle it?

Drama is a destructive undercurrent that runs through a group when one or more members are dissatisfied with something or someone in the group and don't confront it head on.

Drama results from whispering behind the back, from sitting on bad feelings, from trying to hurt other people or the group.

Drama creates hurt feelings, it encourages bitterness and ends up in a group that no one wants to be a part of. It makes good members leave the group. It makes active members decide not to take part.

So, how do we handle it? I think it's better if we talk about how we don't handle it.

We don't feed it. Drama feeds on negative emotions. Try to find a positive solution for the problem. Walk away from the issue and take some time to think. Try journaling, try seeing it from the other person's point of view, try imagining you're on the other end of it. Figure out a way that you can both become better people as a result of it.

We don't gossip about it. If there's something going that you don't like, address it with the person or people involved. Don't go to your friend and complain about it. Don't post a veiled message on the message board. Don't try to get people on your side so you come out looking better than the other side.

We don't expect other people to solve it. Granted, if there's an issue of personal safety, you need to call in the proper authorities, but in most instances of interpersonal drama, you need to work it out for yourself. Please don't expect the Organizing Team to fight your battles for you. We don't have any more power over the behavior of others than you do. The same goes for your friends. If you can't fix it, your friend can't either. Don't ask her to send an email on your behalf, don't ask her to make a phone call, don't ask her to say anything. Be a big girl and work it out.

We don't compromise our principles. You've worked hard to make a reputation as a good person. Don't let a momentary lapse in judgment destroy that. You don't want to be known as "The Screamer" or "The One With The Throbbing Vein" or "The Mama Who Got Kicked Out Because She Punched Someone". Handle yourself with poise, dignity and graciousness. Be known as who you really are. Character always shows through in the end.

We don't gang up. If you're not personally involved in it, stay out of it. Don't pass along things you've heard, even if it's from the people involved. Don't poll others for their opinions on it. Just stay out of it. Drama goes away much more quickly when it's left to die a quick death. Just like any other rumor or gossip, drama loves to involve others. It thrives and grows on the negative feelings of people, especially those who aren't part of it.

We don't encourage it. If someone comes to you with an issue that doesn't involve you, don't take the bait. Let her know that you love her and support her, but you won't be a part of drama. Than change the subject. If she persists, offer the name of a good therapist. Just because someone has a problem, you don't have to try to fix it. And you certainly don't need to add to it.

And most of all, we don't set a bad example. Our munchkins are always watching and listening to us. They learn how to handle difficulties by how we handle difficulties. Do you really want to hear your little one justify bad behavior with "Well, she started it," or "It's not my fault"? Do you want to get called by a teacher because your child was causing drama? Of course not. Let's follow our own advice. Use your words. Share. And remember that friends are for hugging, not hitting.

You should have all read this when you joined the group:

Drama Free Zone! We have a group of compassionate, inspiring women who have created an environment of fun, friendship, and support. We want this group to be a positive experience for all of our mommies. Instigation and/or participation in drama could lead to your immediate removal from the group with no refund (at the sole discretion of the group leader). Remember: We wouldn't have the rating that we do, if our mommies weren't appreciative of their environment.

We're all here to make friends for ourselves and for our munchkins. Everything we do within this group needs to keep those goals in the forefront. If your actions within this group aren't positive and caring and helping to encourage friendships, please rethink them.

This entire page with the exception of our own policy has been used with permission from Not Just Moms.